Interview with Livia Blackburne, MIT neuroscientist

(Re-posted cause it’s just that good!!)

Last week we had Kristi Gets Fit (What? Dodging melon balls and pineapple wedges counts!) so now it’s time for another issue of Kristi Gets Smart, inaugurated by none other than Scientific American’s Steve Mirsky!

Who better to carry the torch than Livia King Blackburne: the 24^th Most Influential writer on Twitter according to We Follow, and voted Top 50 Female Science Bloggers by Online Universities.

Livia King Blackburne: (whispers) Tell them I can also hold a straw between my nose and upper lip.

Kristi: (hisses back) Stop bragging.

Livia King Blackburne: Jealous.

Kristi: (clears throat) Welcome, Livia King Blackburne! Please tell our readers what you do?

Livia King Blackburne: (smiles) I’m in my 5^th year of graduate studies at MIT in cognitive neuroscience.

Kristi: (has the blank stare of someone who hears only elevator music)

Livia King Blackburne: Which means I scan peoples’ brains for my experiments.

Kristi: How lovely – you experiment on people’s… brains? (wishes she’d worn that daffodil hat with the aluminum lining afterall)

Livia King Blackburne: (dissecting Kristi’s scalp with her eyes) Specifically, I’m interested in how the brain develops when you learn to read.

Kristi: Your lab rats must be able read? (smiles, relieved) Guess that leaves me out – I’ve been told I’m an illiterate idiot!!

Livia King Blackburne: Oh? Well, I study them as they’re learning to read…

Kristi: (starts to sweat, looks for nearest exit)

Livia King Blackburne: So I’m scanning kids at different ages to see how the brain changes as they get older.

Kristi: You experiment on children?!

Livia King Blackburne: Yes.

Kristi: Oh, thank God! (the colour returns to Kristi’s white knuckles) Say, I know some little brats, I mean adorable kids, if you need any lab brats? Er… rats?

Livia King Blackburne: No, thanks. We have plenty.

Kristi: I understand you’re a writer, too?

Livia King Blackburne: Yes, my other “gig” is as a writer and blogger.  I write fantasy stories for young adults.

Kristi: Why Young adults? What do you have against OLD adults?

Livia King Blackburne: Nothing, YA is a writing genre.

Kristi: Uh-huh, right. First you refuse to experiment on adults, now you refuse to write for anyone but the young…  Are you some kind of mad scientist inventing a World of the Young?

Livia King Blackburne: (shifty eyed) What?! No, the Harry Potter books are Young Adult Fantasy, too, but people of all ages read them.

Kristi: Damn! I was hoping to get in on this whole Young World thing.

Livia King Blackburne: Sorry.

Kristi: Your blog is extremely popular: A Brain Scientist Takes Writing.  Is the in-ability to write common among MIT brain scientists?

Livia King Blackburne: No – it’s called A Brain Scientist’s Take On Writing. It’s an analysis of writing from a brain scientist’s perspective.

Kristi: That’s what I said. Hey – are you trying to mess with my brain?!

Livia King Blackburne: No, of course not.

Kristi: (whines) I’ll never get in the Young World project…

Livia King Blackburne: There is no Young World project.

Kristi: (narrows eyes) Says you. So what do you like most about your work, other than messing with peoples’ brains?

Livia King Blackburne: Well, I think neuroscience is one of the big scientific frontiers right now. There is a lot of excitement and energy going into this research. It’s really fun to be in the middle of it all.

Kristi: The wild frontier, Yeee-Haaaaw!

Livia King Blackburne: And everybody’s interested in neuroscience.

Kristi: (not afraid to ask the tough questions…) Oh?

Livia King Blackburne: Everybody has a brain, so what I study is relevant to everyone.

Kristi: (…even in the presence of superior intelligence) I assume you have proof to back- up this “everybody has a brain” theory?

Livia King Blackburne: (eyes Kristi) I suppose there could be exceptions to the rule…

Kristi: What do you think is the key to scientific success?

Livia King Blackburne: I used to think being a good scientist was all about programming computers and having good technical skills, but really, a good scientist just needs to pay attention and ask the right questions.

Kristi: (beams) Like I do!

Livia King Blackburne: Um…sort of…would you mind turning that off?

Kristi: (turns off portable tractor beam) What else?

Livia King Blackburne: You need to keep plugging away when the first 10 tries don’t work.

Kristi: Yep, I know that all too well.

Livia King Blackburne: As a writer yourself, I imagine you do. Science is very similar to getting published on that last aspect.  Many writers have trouble with the idea of spending years on something with no guarantee of success, but that’s just business as usual in the lab.

Kristi: And in stalking.

Livia King Blackburne: (desperate to stay on topic) In science and writing, there’s lots of creativity involved.

Kristi: Stalking, too! So how do you come up with your ideas?

Livia King Blackburne: Um… I tend to be a pretty spacey person – one of my friends called me Oblivia because I’m always in my own little world.  But it’s when I’m off daydreaming that I come up with new ideas.

Kristi: There’s where we’re different. If I space out and start day-dreaming behind the bushes, under a window or hiding in someone’s dirty clothes hamper, I’ll totally miss my opportunity.

Livia King Blackburne: (wide eyed) I can imagine.

Kristi: You’re obviously a highly skilled scientist. Does this come naturally?

Livia King Blackburne: For the necessary skills – observing, understanding, and asking good questions- definitely not.  These are aspects that I’ve grown into over the past few years.

Kristi: Have you done anything other than neuroscience?

Livia King Blackburne: Yes, my undergraduate degree from Harvard was in biochemical sciences. After graduation I worked for a year with a Harvard psychology professor, who was instrumental in helping me apply to graduate school.  I was also an intern at Sandia National Laboratories for four summers, in the computational physics and biology departments.

Kristi: You mean the national laboratory that has developed science-based technologies that support national security so that 300+ million Americans can have peace and freedom?

Livia King Blackburne: (bowled over) Yes! It was fun because I got to run simulations on one of the world’s fastest supercomputers.  I also got to wear a security clearance badge and say things like “The government has forbidden me to speak about my current project.”

Kristi: Wow! Can I borrow the badge?

Livia King Blackburne: No.

Kristi: And lastly, any life experiences you’d like to share?

Livia King Blackburne: I’d say the critical thinking skills that I’ve picked up in my training. They are really useful for all aspects of my life.  I’ve learned to think for myself and investigate things before I believe them.

Kristi: Like I do?

Livia King Blackburne: (politely notices spot on ceiling) And as for the blogging and writing, that’s just fun!  After five years at MIT, it’s nice to interact with people in the real world. It keeps me sane, and reminds me that not everyone thinks jokes with mathematical punch lines are funny.

Kristi: Why was 6 afraid of 7? (loud snickers) Because 7 – 8 – 9! (cackle) Get it?? 7 ate 9? (snort)

Livia King Blackburne: (blank stare of someone who hears nothing but animal noises)

Kristi: Thank you Livia, for sharing your fascinating life on the neuroscience frontier, and as always –Thank You for Playing!!

(Originally Posted June 14, 2010)

Interview with Robin Cavanaugh

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Robin!!!!

Here’s a woman whose career has enabled her to meet everyone from Beyonce to Sheryl Crow, Sammy Davis Jr. and even Frank Sinatra.

You’re a Sports Fan?

She’s thrown the first pitch at a Houston Astros game, and showed Greg Louganis and the US Olympic diving team around for a week. Oo-la-la!

OK, you’re right, I’m name dropping. I sense your interests run to the eclectic.

So tell me, have you ever been to Transylvania for Halloween, or stayed up all night monitoring the birth of a baby elephant? No? A baby giraffe? I didn’t think so.

What the heck does someone have to do to get all that on their resume? I’m glad you asked!

Kristi: Welcome to How Did You Get There, Robin. Please tell our readers what in blue blazes you do for a living.

Robin: (smiles) Thanks, Kristi. I am a Marketing / PR / Special Events consultant.

Kristi:              How long have you been doing this?

Robin: Essentially since high school, but professionally for 28 years. I worked as a sales rep throughout college, for a Lone Star Beer and Canada Dry distributor in Texas. Later, I joined Canada Dry USA but I was very unhappy. It wasn’t my joy. When Canada Dry sponsored the US Olympic divers at a prelim meet in Austin, I volunteered to go. That week showed me that the entertainment and promotional aspect of marketing was my real talent.

Kristi: (totally impressed) Amazing what glistening bodies will do for a girl.

Robin: (chokes on her water) Sorry!?

Kristi: (totally serious) What do you like most about your work? The half nekkid men?

Robin:  (can’t believe Kristi’s serious) Um, well, I enjoy being part of something special that touches many lives. But I’m an anonymous producer of sorts.  I am a sampler-plate girl. I’d rather be good at several things, than be the best at just one.

Kristi:      (makes air quotes)  Did you get to “sample” any of those Olympic divers?

Robin:             What?

Kristi:             (continues air quotes) They sure are “something special”! Were they some of the “lives you touched”?

Robin:             No!!  I mean–sort of– but not in that way!

Kristi:   (totally bummed)   Guess the job doesn’t have as many “perks” as I thought.

Robin:    (has never seen a “real person” make this many air quotes)    Look, if your questions aren’t more professional I’m going to have to—

Kristi:   (insulted Robin referred to Kristi’s “real personhood” in air quotes her last thought bubble)  What quality, skill, or both do you feel makes you particularly suited to Marketing / PR / Special Events?

Robin:             I learned that I do not think in a linear fashion, so producing complicated projects with many moving parts is one of my specialties.  It’s like cooking a fabulous meal for friends.   You have a lot of pots on the stove at once, but everything is completed and served hot at the right time.  Major projects take a big picture approach, and just like a meal plan, they have different ingredients for each recipe.

Kristi:           Wow. I burn everything.

Robin:             I can tell.

Kristi:              Is this Producing Major Events like a 5 Star Chef philosophy something you have developed on the job or is it innate?

Robin:             The initial instinct is innate, but each experience has prepped me for the next one. For example, one job taught me how to write copy for radio spots; another how to produce TV commercials and even a TV show.   Having learned multiple skills over the years, as well as developing a huge network of friends and resources, has enabled me to raise the money for, produce, market and publicize a new Earth Day Festival in Houston w/in 3 ½ months.  I could not have done this successfully without my prior experiences and the resources gained from those experiences.  Each leads to the next.  I never stop learning.

Kristi:              Where have you worked?

Robin:             I spent 10 years in the beer and soft drink business, plus stints running the marketing for the Houston Zoo, the Houston Public Library’s communication division, and Academy Sports + Outdoors, a major regional sporting goods retailer.  In between these positions I consult—which is what gets me in trouble. I enjoy being self-employed but my clients always try to hire me fulltime.

Kristi: Which of your previous positions particularly stands out?

Robin:             I loved my job heading up advertising and PR for Houston’s Budweiser distributor during my 20s. I made a huge impact on, and even initiated many of Houston’s entertainment events, some of which are traditions still going today.   I’m very proud of that contribution, and gained confidence from the experience, not to mention I was a great date with access tickets to anything and everything! It was fun to be plugged in to “what’s happening” in Houston.

Kristi:              For example?

Robin:             I still have my original demo cassette tape of a then unknown Country and Western performer. It was part of my job to make sure this new guy, whom we at Budweiser had hired for our big July 4^th Concert, got some air play during the 2-3 months before the concert. So I dropped off his tape at one of our biggest C&W radio stations, KIKK. He ended up being so popular nationally that in six months’ time he won Country Music’s Horizon Award, for the year’s best newcomer. His star continued to shine and our Budweiser distributor could no longer touch him locally.  He’s Clint Black.

Kristi:              Clint Black?! Now that’s what I call “something special”! Did you get to “touch—“

Robin:             NO!!

Kristi:              Just asking…

Robin: Another really keen role was working for the Houston Zoo in my 40s. I loved being close to animals, feeding and touching these exotic beauties. I was truly happy. Even though work was a labour of love, I was around nature every day. People enjoyed the zoo.  It was a happy product to promote.

Kristi: And finally, Robin, any life experiences you’d like to share?

Robin:             Use your common sense.  Marketing is not brain surgery.  Most parts of it should come naturally.  Like my PR mentor once explained to me, “PR is just stamps and envelopes.  It is a formula like any other, when you have the right instinct.  How you do anything is how you do everything.  Just do the work.”

Kristi:              Great advice, Robin, and as always, thank you for playing!

© Kristi Thompson 2009

(originally posted September 2009)

Interview with Benjamin Kanarek

(Originally posted Jan. 1, 2010)

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone and welcome to the next exciting episode in our new Fashion category with the incredible…

(annoying whirly-whizzing racket)

.Oh no– Still not feeling so hot after last night’s festivities? Poor dears– I can tell by your pasty, lifeless expression and the way your hair’s sticking up.

What better way to lose that nasty New Year’s Day “virus” than to plop your slightly green, sweat-suited self in front of your computer and read about someone who shoots super models? Wipe off that grin—he shoots them with cameras.

Please give a warm HDYGT welcome to the Canadian born, Paris based, Haute Couture Fashion Photographer and Fashion Blogger Extraordinaire…

(blast from slightly crunched, plastic party horn)

…BENJAMIN KANAREK!!!    Woo-Hoo!!

(Head still hurts? Sorry – I’ll keep it down.)

His work has featured in: L’Officiel Paris, Vogue Italy, Vogue Paris, Vogue Brasil, Vogue South America, Elle —Spain, Portugal AND Greece (don’t ya know); Cosmopolitan — France AND Italy, Glamour (France), and many more.

Oh – and stop combing your hair, Ben likes it puffy. See mine? My husband says I look like a red-headed Amy Winehouse, but what does he know?

Kristi:  Welcome, Benjamin Kanarek— where would you like me to stand?

Benjamin Kanarek:            Stand?

Kristi:  For my shoot.

Benjamin Kanarek:            Your shoot? I thought you were interviewing me?

Kristi: Oh, THAT, of course! Please tell us what you do for a living?

Benjamin Kanarek:            I do a few things— I capture images for Fashion Magazines.  I conceptualize.  I have done some consulting Creative Direction for DIM, Club Med and Lancome for Publicis Ad Agency in Paris.  I also compose music and have a catalogue of over 50 Pop/Rock tunes.

Kristi: (applying blood red lipstick) Fantastic!! Brilliant interview, thanks so much. Now, should I lean against the wall, or lay alluringly across this chaise lounge?

Benjamin Kanarek: (wincing at pose) I don’t remember agreeing to a photo session and that is NOT a casting couch!

Kristi: (shifty-eyed) You don’t? That’s odd. How long have you been in this field?

Benjamin Kanarek: I’ve been in the creative soup all my life.

Kristi: Well that explains it– you creative types never read the fine print.

Benjamin Kanarek: It was a phone conversation.

Kristi: Oh. Right. OK, let’s see. (strikes pose on chaise while opening notebook) What do you like most about your work?

Benjamin Kanarek: (sits at far side of studio, drums fingers on glass table) The creative process and the final outcome. To be more specific, I find the process of coming up with specific themes for my projects as exciting as actually doing them. One of the great challenges is actually making those images look as exciting as what I imagined.  If I could just project that image residing in my head on to a screen, perhaps I would be satisfied. But until that time comes, I will have to accept the limitations of the tools available.

Kristi: (leans forward for pouty-lipped pose) Wha chawactewistics—

Benjamin Kanarek: What’s that?

Kristi: I said, What characteristics do you think have helped you stay on top?

Benjamin Kanarek: Whoever said I like being on top? I’m not that conventional…uh…Oh…Sorry. I get your meaning. I guess, being able to think on my feet. Improvisation. Breaking down the walls of predictability. Not being afraid of taking on the status quo, and that status quo might also be your self. Being honest with your self is one of the great challenges of being an artist.

Kristi: Improvisation? Challenges? Now you’re talking my language! (dramatic hair toss, hair clip flies across room, hits half full glass of red wine, wine glass crashes onto white rug) Sorry.

Benjamin Kanarek: (glares out window– unfortunately not long enough to miss Kristi’s Cat-crawling pose) Did you loose something? WTF are you doing?  Geeeezzzzz- get back in to your chair!

Kristi: Commanding presence! Did these skills develop through experience?

Benjamin Kanarek: They have always been innate. Say– you do have a certain je ne sais quoi… (he snickers)

Kristi: I do?

Benjamin Kanarek: Yes… In fact, I’d LOVE to shoot you. Here’s my daily rate. (scribbles number on paper, shows Kristi)

Kristi: (falls off chaise) I’m sorry, Ben, but I’m here for an interview!  Now – where did you work before your current position?

Benjamin Kanarek: I haven’t worked for anyone else for a very long time.  Whether composing songs, images, designs or what ever works for me, I have always been a free agent.  The last time I actually worked for someone was again as a free agent consulting Creative Director.  If you mean a 9 to 5 job, I guess it would be when I worked for Webb, Zerafa, Menkes and Housden Architects, in Toronto. That was quite a while ago, to say the least…

Kristi: You compose songs, as well, on top of everything else?

Benjamin Kanarek:            Yes, I was a drummer in a couple of punk rock groups in Toronto. The Poles had a semi successful hit called “CN Tower” and the Existers with singer George Higton with the hit song “Telex Love”. I still compose pop-rock music for several artists in France.

Kristi: Really? I sing a little myself… (sings Barry Manilow tune in operatic voice)

Benjamin Kanarek: Inspiring… (imagines Chucky’s in Love Photo, eyes glaze over momentarily, shakes head and comes out of trance.)

Kristi: (can’t wait to tell husband Benjamin Kanarek called her ‘Inspiring’) So you went from music to photography?

Benjamin Kanarek: First I studied architecture in college, then worked as an architect for a few years, when I literally fell into photography. A serious accident– I fell from a mezzanine 5 meters high–but landed on the toe of a photographer.

Kristi: That had to hurt– the poor photographer!

Benjamin Kanarek: I fell into a lot of things – my second shoot ever was an advertising campaign in Toronto. I was the first Canadian photographer to shoot Kim Alexis for the cover of Chatelaine.  She was literally on the cover of VOGUE every two months. She was a mega star at the time with the likes of Brook Shields, Janice Dickenson etc…

Kristi:             You fell on Kim Alexis, too?

Benjamin Kanarek: Uh…no, nice thought, though.

Kristi: Most models are too boney to break your fall, anyway. If you’re gonna keep falling on people I’d suggest a Sumo Wrestler—

Benjamin Kanarek:  I’ll keep that in mind…Might be the next BIG Thing.

Kristi: You’ve fallen into an extremely successful blog, too.

Benjamin Kanarek: Yes, it’s attracting attention from newspapers.

Kristi:  I can see why. Your stunning photography, amazing inside information on everything from your own expert lighting and camera tips to what’s happening in the big fashion houses, by Frédérique Renaut, your Fashion and Beauty Editor.

Benjamin Kanarek: Frédérique and I have wanted to develop a Blog for a while. She’s a fast learner, and jumped in head first.

(Readers: stay tuned for Frédérique Renaut’s exciting interview– a unique perspective of the Fashion world!!)

Kristi:  Would you share with us some of your most memorable moments from your thrilling career (s)?

Benjamin Kanarek: Playing drums before a huge audience was a very memorable experience. Getting my first major Fashion Magazine Cover, with Kim Alexis.  Being asked to be the Consulting Creative Director for Lancôme, and doing this interview, of course!

Kristi: Well thank you!And lastly, any life lessons you’d like to share? Other than finding soft people to fall on—that one’s on me.

Benjamin Kanarek: Every experience has added to my vocabulary.  It enriches my life and gives me a greater sense of understanding.  It also allows me to be more discerning. The greater your vocabulary, the richer your life.

Kristi:  Thank you so much, Benjamin Kanarek, for enriching our lives with yours!! And as always – Thank You for Playing!!

Interview with André Girod

Today’s Guest Star is a fascinating man who cannot be confined to four walls. He traveled to Machu Pichu before it was *discovered* by the rest of the world in the  60s, went to China before it became popular, and has lived everywhere from Iowa to Tasmania.

Today I’ll quiz him on the four “W”s: What the heck–? Who traveled to China before Nixon? Were you lost or did you intend to go? And Tasmania? Wasn’t that a cartoon?

Kristi: Welcome André Girod! Would you please tell us what took you all those exciting places?

André Girod: My sense of adventure. But if you mean my career, until retirement I was a professor of Latin, Greek mythology and French history.

Kristi: Really? That was one of my favourite subjects!

Reception of the American class at l'Elysée with Président Miterrand, 1988

André Girod: (grins) Louis XIV, Napoleon, Jeanne d’Arc…?

Kristi: Yes, I know all the Greek gods.

André Girod: (pulls out notepad, marks a large red “X”) I see.

The French American Class remembered

Kristi: (sure she aced it) Where did you teach?

André Girod: The first 15 years all my teaching took place between four walls, with a few windows.

Kristi: Four Walls… That’s a town in Iowa, isn’t it?

André Girod: (marks another large red “X” on notepad) No. But Cedar Rapids is, where I taught at Coe College.

Kristi: Cedar, and rapids- so you taught outside?

André Girod: (beams) Yes, actually, how did you know? I taught in the open for the last 25 years of my career. But not in Cedar Rapids.

Kristi: Right. Lost too many students in the rapids…

André Girod: No. (red “X” on notepad) Cedar fever.

Kristi: Awww, that was my second guess! …So where did you teach?

André Girod: In the early 70s I left conventional teaching to create the French-American Class (La class Franco-Américaine), where my teaching took place between continents, under the open sky!

Kristi: Wait -  Between Continents?  Oh, oh! (raises arm) I know this one! Geology?

André Girod: No. (Slashes large red “X” on notepad) I developed a month long Foreign Exchange program — which was a brand new concept in the early 70s. Especially the way we did it.

Kristi: (raises arm again) Oh! Oh!! You did it in platform shoes, with tightly permed hair, while watching the French Connection!

André Girod: (eyes Kristi’s polyester print shirt, enormous bellbottoms and poodle perm, Marks notepad) No.

Kristi: (stomps her Elton John boots on the floor) Dammit!

André Girod: (slashes two red “Xs”) Cursing in class.

Kristi: (pouts, slumps at desk like bratty teenager)

André Girod: (smiles, hands Kristi sheet with “A+”) Don’t worry, you got bonus points for your outfit.

Kristi: (sits up, beams) You like it? Some things never go out of style.

André Girod: Yes! Thank God for that. (adjusts his thick black sunglasses, pushes up the sleeves on his black turtle neck, and slants his beret)

Kristi: So how were your foreign exchange classes different than the ones we hear of today?

André Girod: Instead of exchanging one student at a time, we exchanged the entire class, for a month.

Kristi: I get hassled for trying to exchange a candy bar I don’t like.

André Girod: Remember, in the early 70s these foreign exchange programs had never been done before.  Especially transporting whole classes of French fifth graders to America to stay in an elementary school, and likewise take American fifth graders to France. Reciprocity between the schools, families and children.

Kristi: Interesting. What did they study?

André Girod: The very first class we organized was during the summer. They learned judo, sailing, swimming, javelin throwing and much more.

Kristi: Can I go?  I’m told I’m very immature for my age.

André Girod: Well… the years after that we only exchanged classes during the winter. Skiing in France was a big hit.

Kristi: Oh, too bad, I’m allergic to snow. Did you prefer running the French American Class to conventional teaching?

André Girod: I did enjoy conventional teaching during the first part of my career, but never enough to stay in the same school for more than 2 years. I had to change my horizons: 2 years in the USA, 2 years in Australia, 2 years in France and so on. This is the only way to refresh your teaching. Then I tired of this continuous change, so I decided to meld the two, by teaching kids about travel and living in a foreign country. This is how I got the idea to start the French American Class, which I ran until I sold it in the late 1990s.

Kristi: What did you do before teaching?

André Girod: I worked for 11 years as a tour guide, in the 50s/60s, traveling with my backpack, which made it easy to create the French American class. I have also been an encyclopedia salesman, a waiter, ski instructor, ski school director…

Kristi: What a wealth of experiences.

André Girod: I have published several books on my experiences: Ilkya, French-American class, Caltecor 5127, Flammes du pere inconnu, to name a few.

Kristi: And what keeps you busy today?

André Girod: Today I host art exhibits on my property. I live in a small village in Southern France, in the Luberon Vaucluse region. I am also the Director of Culture for our city hall in the village of Lauris.

Kristi: Many of your past students have tracked you down to thank you for so many wonderful memories of their experiences in the French-American Class. I’d like to thank you for being such a good sport and sharing your adventures with us. So, as always–  Thank You For Playing!!

Interview with Niamh “Bugsy” O’Connor

WARNING: My next guest will take you to the seedier side of town–down a dank, murky alley–a place I didn’t know I had the guts to go.

It includes some tough talk about Blood… and Ties.

In fact, Blood Ties – a mesmerizing, can’t put it down book, just out. I’m not gonna lie to you— I almost didn’t make it out alive—but it was worth it. What a rush!! So here’s what happened…

I walked into a smoke filled pool hall. Strange, I’m thinking. She hates to swim. There she sat, in the back. Her face half shadowed under a single hanging lamp…

Kristi:               You Niamh O’Connor?

Niamh O’Connor:         Who’s asking?

Kristi:               How Did You Get There.

Niamh O’Connor:         I drove. Now answer my question.

Kristi:               Hi, I’m Kristi – I’m a big fan! I called about the interview?

Niamh O’Connor:  (sound of cards shuffling)

Kristi:               OK. I’ll just get started.  Question #1: Please tell us what do you do for a living?

Niamh O’Connor:         I report on crime—Real crime—and write crime books. My latest book is Blood Ties. It’s work that requires me to ask a lot of questions. So here’s what I want to know – do you still sing like a canary?…In the shower?…Vacuuming?

Kristi:   Only while skiing down jagged mountains in powder-puff snow.

Niamh O’Connor:         So you ski?

Kristi:               No.

Niamh O’Connor:         But—

Kristi:                           Wait a minute— I’m supposed to be asking the questions here! Let’s see… (flips open small note pad) How long have you been writing about crime?

Niamh O’Connor:         Reporting – twenty years. Writing true crime books – ten. Blood Ties is just out, before thatwas The Black Widow, and Cracking Crime. My first novel is coming out next year. But back to you. What’s this about the BBC?

Kristi:               What!? Who told you about that?

Niamh O’Connor:         You did. On the phone. You wouldn’t stop yammering.

Kristi:                           Oh. (eye-squint) So this is how’s it’s gonna be, eh? OK, I’ll tell ya. It’s the BBC My Story competition. I submitted. They posted it. It reached #1 in their Top Ten Most Liked.

Niamh O’Connor:         Oh yeah? (cool glare)

Kristi:                           Yeah. Now your turn. (licks pencil, flips page) What do you like most about your work?

Niamh O’Connor: Who wants to know? (stands, sound of wooden chair knocked over)

Kristi:                           I wanna know! (sound of chair set upright, seat wiped, pillow fluffed, offered to Niamh O’Connor)

Niamh O’Connor:         Thanks. I love the craft involved in stripping a sentence back to the absolute basics, to get the maximum hit. I love the language of crime. Passive it ain’t.

Kristi:   (sharpens pencil with pocket knife, flips page)

Niamh O’Connor:         And subject wise, I love the jaw-dropping point when you’ve learned just how much the kind of person you’d least expect has gone to, to bump someone else off. That’s the conflict that gives the best crime stories the x-factor.

Kristi: I love that show!

Niamh O’Connor:  (slaps Kristi upside the head) Pay attention. I’m only gonna say this once.

Kristi:                           Why I oughta…

Niamh O’Connor:         Take the Scissor Sisters, Linda and Charlotte Mulhall who murdered their mother’s toy boy lover in front of her; or Joe O’Reilly – the ad exec who murdered his wife Rachel because he considered it easier than a protracted custody battle following a separation; or Sharon Collins who Googled a hit man to kill her millionaire partner and his two sons – all featured in my new book, Blood Ties. I’ll give you another example of that conflict. You meet you- Kristi- in real life, you think, wow that’s a nice, civilised lady. You read your interviews, you think, wow!

Kristi: Yeah…            Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?

Niamh O’Connor:         Sit down.

Kristi:               Alright, but no funny stuff—see? My next question is: What has drawn you to a LIFE OF CRIME writing??

Niamh O’Connor:         What’s with the spotlight? You’re blinding me.

Kristi:                           Dramatic punch too hard?

Niamh O’Connor:         Over kill.

(screechy music, Kristi bites knuckle)

Niamh O’Connor:  Here’s how it goes down. I need to know every last detail to understand what happened. When you read a newspaper report, you’re getting the bones of the story. But the true crime books give me a chance to flesh out the stories. I’m interested in what makes people tick; what drives them over the edge. Greed is just so despicable. It presses all the moral outrage buttons.

Kristi:               Is this digging deeper innate or something you have developed on the job?

Niamh O’Connor: I’m naturally nosy. My writing epiphany was when somebody told me to stop adding ‘ly’ to describe, it was a cop out. But in terms of yours, I’d like to know what really happened on that double-decker bus?

Kristi: Wha— whaddya mean?! (wipes sweat from brow)

Niamh O’Connor: I wanna know the truth!

Kristi:                           YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Niamh O’Connor: You do realize writing is more than just quoting famous movies?

Kristi:               Oh? Great tip. (flips page) So where did you work immediately before this?

Niamh O’Connor:         I was the crime correspondent in Ireland on Sunday. Now you– How does a person become an opera singer? I’m thinking one of those mom’s who entered you in singing competitions when you were little, right? I’m thinking Southfork. I’m thinking oil. I’m thinking JR would pay a lot of money to keep his princess out of trouble.

Kristi:               What’re you, a wise guy? (sound of Kristi’s forehead hitting table) Alright, I’ll tell you! A certain person—who shall remain nameless— studied singing because she was too lazy to continue dancing after high school. Then said singer fell in love with opera, especially Italian.

Niamh O’Connor: (eyes narrow)   If you’d ain’t on the up and up…

Kristi:   (eyes narrow-er) Your turn. Did being a crime correspondent lead directly to your current position?

Niamh O’Connor:         Sure did. The Sunday World editor rang to ask would I meet for a talk. We met, he offered me the job. No looking back ever since. The author of Lockdown, Sean Black, describes us as the ‘last real reporters’. I love that. I’ve worked in enough other newspapers to know it to be true. Look at Paul Williams. It’s a vocation, not a job.

Kristi:  Try any other jobs before writing for BLOOD money?

Niamh O’Connor:  Errr, babysitting. I only ever got paid a fiver no matter how many hours; and a pub, where a customer complained about the lounge girl who kept storming off in a huff every time he tried to order a Southern Comfort. I thought he was being rude!

Kristi:  And lastly, any life experiences you’d like to share?

Niamh O’Connor:  I learned I didn’t have to smile back when I was working at my computer. Did I mention BLOOD TIES? It’s really good! Think you can work out some subliminal way of working the words ‘Buy It’ into this interview?

Kristi:  Oh! BUY the way, does BLOOD wash out of TIES? That guy’s TIE’s BLOODy, he’d better BUY a new one!

Niamh O’Connor:  (knocks chair over, slaps Kristi upside the head, storms out)

Kristi:  Thanks for a gripping interview!! (door slams, big bruiser guys stand over Kristi with arms crossed) And as always, Niamh O’Connor, thank you for playing…Guys, put me down…please?

© Kristi Thompson 2010

(Originally Posted October 18, 2009)

Interview with Olive O’Brien

All you kiddies out there will really enjoy today’s Guest Star! Have you ever heard of a GREEN Polar bear?? Me either, I thought they were all white… must be an Irish thing. Perry’s handler is from Cork.

Kristi: Here she is now. Hello, Olive, welcome to How Did You Get There! Where’s your bear?

Olive O’Brien: Thank you, Kristi. You mean Perry the Polar Bear?

Kristi: Yes, we can’t wait to meet him.

Olive O’Brien: I’m sorry, he lives on the North Pole.

Kristi: The NORTH POLE?! — I’ve always wanted to say that line!! Remember when Buddy the Elf goes to his Dad’s office for the first time?

.

“The North Pole?” Elf movie clip

►

Olive O’Brien: I think so…

Kristi: (checks list) One Life-Goal down, only 1,238 more to go!

Olive O’Brien: (tries not to imagine the others)

Kristi: Before we ask about Perry dying his fur green—

Olive O’Brien: Dying his fur…?

Kristi: –first things first. Tell us about yourself.

Olive O’Brien: OK, I’m a children’s writer based in Cork, Ireland. I have written two picture-books called “Perry the Playful Polar Bear”, which was on the Christmas gift guide in the Star newspaper and in Woman’s Way, and “Perry the Polar Bear Goes Green”, which was just released in March 2010.

Kristi: I’m amazed you found a polar bear willing to dye his fur for your book—actors will do anything for a starring role these days.

Olive O’Brien: Er…”Perry the Polar Bear Goes Green” is about Perry helping the environment.

Kristi:  Oh, of course! Silly me. I’m normally so careful with my facts.

Olive O’Brien: (smiles) Honest mistake.

Kristi: Exactly, who knew green hair dye was good for the environment?

Olive O’Brien: No, no–

Kristi: So when did you discover you wanted to be a writer?

Olive O’Brien: I simply love to write! As a child I would write short stories on anything and kept a diary, which I still cringe at. I loved English and would spend hours writing long essays or poems.

Kristi: Is that when you started writing children’s books?

Olive O’Brien: No, I didn’t write my first book until October 2008.

Kristi: Only two years ago? And you’ve already published two books?

Olive O’Brien: Yes, through my own publishing company, Silver Angel Publishing, which I set up last year.

Kristi: (wonders why she never thought of that) Impressive. What do you like most about being a writer and publisher?

Olive O’Brien: I love the freedom it brings. I have worked in offices before and it can feel very claustrophobic. Now I can work when and how I want to.

Kristi: Or not at all!

Olive O’Brien: Thankfully, I’m relatively self-disciplined, so motivation is not a problem.

Kristi: (shifty-eyed) Right…that’s what I meant.

Olive O’Brien: The worst thing about being a writer is that you can feel a bit isolated.

Kristi: Like you’re far away from everyone? On the farthest tippy top point of the world?  Somewhere like– the NORTH POLE! (falls over laughing) I LOVE that line!!

Elf movie clip

►

Olive O’Brien: (wonders if Kristi’s parents left her alone a little too often) I try to stay sane, by meeting other writers, book lovers and publishing people through meetings, seminars and of course interacting through blogs, twitter and so on.

Kristi: What do you think suits you for writing and publishing books?

Olive O’Brien: From a business point of view, organisational skills. I have to do my own sales and marketing which requires a weekly plan. I draw up a list of people to ring to sell my books to.

Kristi: (scribbles on notepad) …call every child under the age of 9.  Got it!

Olive O’Brien: I would also say I have good time management. I’m constantly juggling writing and promoting my books.

Kristi: …learn to juggle. Three balls or four?

Olive O’Brien: (not sure how to answer this)

Kristi: I‘ll start with three. I know juggling takes practise, but being organized must be somewhat innate?

Olive O’Brien: Yes, I’d say so. I always say “Organisation is the key to success”, but I developed my organisational skills through another career.

Kristi: What was that – as a street performer?

Olive O’Brien: I worked as a solicitor in Cork for several years.

Kristi: A lawyer– I was right!

Olive O’Brien: I was under a constant pressure to meet deadlines, juggle clients, going to court, answering calls, emails, letters, closing sales. It trained me how to prioritise my time.

Kristi: How did that help with your writing?

Olive O’Brien: In my opinion, being trained in legal writing can stunt your creativity. When I sat down to write my first book, I found it unexpectedly difficult to write fiction.

Kristi: Huh, I would have thought the opposite. Were you still practising as a solicitor when you began writing Perry the Polar Bear?

Olive O’Brien: No, I was working at a newspaper in Bangalore, south India.

Kristi: Ah, I see…running form the law?

Olive O’Brien: Er…I left my legal career in 2006 to complete a Masters in Journalism at DCU, which led to an news reporter internship at the Sunday Business Post, and then a features writer in India.

Kristi: Sounds like an adventure.

Olive O’Brien: It was only for a couple of months, but it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life, a huge change. I took a rickshaw to work every morning, and had to negotiate the price with the driver before I even sat in it! I also had the opportunity to speak with children who live in some of the poorest slums in Bangalore.  Their enthusiasm and positive attitude is admirable.

Kristi: So the children’s enthusiasm spurred you to start writing children’s books?

Olive O’Brien: Not yet. After India I returned home for Christmas 2007, after which I travelled around the world in 2008—

Kristi: To the North Pole, where you met Perry?

Olive O’Brien: No, I travelled solo, to the U.S., Canada, Australia, Singapore, Malaysia, back to northern India and the United Arab Emirates.

Kristi: Bet you took some great pictures…

Olive O’Brien: It was an amazing experience! When I look back at photos of me sitting in front of the Taj Mahal, Ayers Rock and Sydney Opera House, it seems a bit surreal.

Kristi: …though they’d be even better with Perry in them. When did you meet him?

Olive O’Brien: I returned home in September 2008 and started writing my book in October of that year.

Kristi: It must’ve taken a while for your head to stop spinning.

Olive O’Brien: Absolutely! The past ten years have been a rollercoaster ride.

Kristi: I’ll say. I’m still dizzy.

Olive O’Brien: (wonders if that’s innate)

Kristi: Any valuable life experiences you’d like to leave us with, other than green hair dye being good for the environment?

Olive O’Brien: (considers correcting Kristi but…) Thanks to my legal career I can buy a house, or draft a will, and from a life experience point of view it improved my judgment of people and situations, and making me quite analytical and measured in my thinking. Thankfully, it didn’t damage my creative side. The journalism career was a real buzz– being in a newsroom, surrounded by people, with radios and tvs on all the time. I hope to dabble in freelance journalism again pretty soon.

Kristi: Thanks for sharing your exciting life with us, Olive O’Brien, and as always – Thank You For Playing!

More about Olive O’Brien:

• Women Mean Business magazine: http://www.scribd.com/doc/27711143/Women-Mean-Business-Mag
• Silver Angel Publishing: http://www.silverangelpublishing.com
• Olive’s blog: http://www.writeolive.com

Interview with Graham Storrs

In case you’re wondering why I’m wearing this black veil over my safari hat and swinging this machete, I’m not in mourning. There are a lot of flies in the bush. That’s right – I’m in Australia!

I’m ready for an adventure! After careful consideration I’ve picked an EXTREME SPORT… I’m going to TimeSplash. It’s like bungee jumping only with TIME TRAVEL. How Cool is that?!  I’ve come out here to the middle of nowhere, to meet the man who invented it. Woo-hoo!!!

Look, there’s the first house I’ve seen in days, I’ll ask directions from this man heading up the path.

Kristi: Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find Graham Storrs?

Graham Storrs: (startled) Why yes, that’s me.

Kristi: Thank God I’ve found you! Do you have a minute? It looks like you’re going somewhere.

Graham Storrs: Sure, I’m just heading out to my mail box.

Kristi: (eyes tent, weeks worth of food, and medical supplies) Oh. Well, I wanted to ask you about your book, TimeSplash—

Graham Storrs: Shhhh, my wife might hear you.

Graham’s Wife: (calls from inside house) Is someone here?

Graham Storrs: No, dear, just the kookaburras laughing again. (lowers voice) She doesn’t know I’ve written a book.

Kristi: What does she think you do at the computer?

Graham Storrs: Browse DIY sites for power tools. She likes to keep me busy rebuilding our home and garden.

Kristi: Right. (smiles, and winks conspiratorially) So what kind of background drove you to invent something as extreme as TimeSplash.

Graham Storrs: I trained as a psychologist, then did Research and Development in artificial intelligence and user interface design until I got too old to be cheap any more–

Kristi: (scratches head with machete) That’s funny, ’cause my mother always said I wasn’t old enough to be so cheap.

Graham Storrs: (decides it’s best to just keep talking) –so they made me a manager. I was so incompetent as a manager, they let me do it for ten years, after which I moved out to the country.

Kristi: How long have you been here?

Graham Storrs: 2 years. Haven’t seen a living soul in all that time – unless you count the guy from the local Telco who made the trip out here just so he could laugh in my face when I asked for a phone line.

Kristi: You’re sure it was the telephone man and not a kookaburra?

Graham Storrs: (blanches) I’d better call the phone company again…

Kristi: Which do you like most, extreme sports or writing?

Graham Storrs: Shhhhh! (listens for wife)

Kristi: Sorry.

Graham Storrs: It’s very cool to have a book published, but now I have to market the thing. I always thought the publisher did that, but no. So, if you want to buy my book, go to my publisher’s website and, for a ridiculously small amount of money, they will send you a copy.

Kristi: Was that your sales pitch?

Graham Storrs: Yea, what did you think?

Kristi: (shrugs)

Graham Storrs: I guess a lifetime designing adaptive dialogue boxes doesn’t exactly qualify a guy for the entrepreneurial life of a (lowers voice) writer.

Graham’s Wife: (from inside house) Are you talking to your power tools again?

Graham Storrs: (shouts back) Yes, dear! (to Kristi) Anyway, the marketing stuff is a bit meh—

Kristi: (spins around) What was that sound– a wild kangaroo? I got into a fight with one earlier and I think he’s following me.

Graham Storrs: I didn’t hear anything. Anyway, the money, the cocktail parties, the fast cars and loose women – I’m looking forward to all that. I guess that will start soon, right?

Kristi: I started all that when I was a child, but to each his own. Tell me more about this TimeSplash thing – I’m ready! Woo-Hoo! (Graham glares, Kristi whispers) Bring it on!!

Graham Storrs: It’s a sci-fi thriller—or a techno-thriller, if you’re one of those people who thinks “sci-fi” is a four-letter word.

Kristi: Oh, I’m looking for thrills, baby!

Graham Storrs: It takes place in the near future, with time travel, a beautiful female—

Kristi: (giggles) Why, thank you. Now, do I need a special “splash” suit to do this?

Graham Storrs: (continuing) –beautiful female protagonist and lots of running about and shouting, and even a touching love story.

Kristi: Hey -I’m here to TimeSplash. I’m not doing any love stories! I’m a married woman, and so are you.

Graham Storrs: A married woman??

Kristi: (gasps) You’re a woman?!

Graham Storrs: (wonders if the long trek out here has gotten to Kristi, or if she’s this way naturally) What are you talking about?

Kristi: (wonders if living out here has gotten to Graham or if he’s this way naturally) TimeSplash-ing!!

Graham Storrs: You mean TimeSplash – Boy, was it fun to write! Did I mention you can actually buy it if you want one?

Kristi: The suit? OK, how much?

Graham Storrs: (confused) Suits? Haven’t worn one since I quit work.

Kristi: I’m not going to get whiplash or motion sickness am I? ‘Cause I’m very sensitive.

Graham Storrs: (considers) Only if you read in the car, I suppose.

Kristi: (sets down machete, removes hat and veil) Before we do this thing, tell me how you came up with the idea?

Graham Storrs: I don’t actually know. I was pitching my previous novel, Time & Tyde, to an important publisher, when I suddenly found myself babbling, “Hey wouldn’t it be great if time travel had become, like, this way-cool extreme sport, and kids were jumping back in time and killing their grandmothers, but it was screwing with the present, people were getting killed, and these guys who had been part of the ‘scene’ had to try and stop these extreme sports guys from destroying the world, or something?” Even as I blurted it out, I could see she liked it more than the book I’d turned up with.

Kristi: Hold on a minute – I could get killed? You have checked out the science, right?

Graham Storrs: Yes, my idea of a good read is New Scientist. I have NASA blogs in my feed reader. I believe science is the most wonderful and beautiful of all human achievements.

Kristi: And no Grannies will be harmed in the making…

Graham Storrs: Guess you’ll have to read the book to find out.

Kristi: You mean the instruction manual?

Graham Storrs: No, TimeSplash isn’t an instruction manual. It’s a novel, it’s not real.

Kristi: (picks up machete) What?! I did not travel all this way for a work of fiction!

Graham Storrs: Keep your voice down!

Graham’s Wife: (opens front door) I KNEW it! I knew someone was here.

Graham Storrs: Oh, Great!

Kristi: What?

Graham’s Wife: (from inside house) You wrote about it, didn’t you?

Graham Storrs: (winces) Er…maybe…as a work of fiction…

Graham’s Wife: (steps onto front porch in full Splashgear, helmet under arm) I thought we agreed–

Kristi: Ah-Ha–I knew it was real! Now you have to let me go with you!

Graham Storrs: (eyes Kristi’s machete) All right. But only if you promise not to tell anyone.

Kristi: Who, me? Never…and Graham — thank you for playing!

TimeSplash Blog Tour

This post is part of the TimeSplash blog tour running from 16th February to the 5th May. You can find out more about the book by visiting the TimeSplash website. Check out the blog tour schedule page at “TimeSplash – The Blog Tour 2010″

Interview with Nathan Bransford

If you’re wondering why I’m in my 10” stiletto heels and cocktail dress, it’s because I’m at a big literary party this evening, and I’m psyched! A SUPER STAR literary agent is coming: Nathan Bransford, with Curtis Brown Ltd.
His informative blog has achieved cult status, as Huffington Post’s 50 Best Book People to Follow on Twitter, Writer’s Digest 101 Best Websites for Writers in 2008 and 2009, and the Best Publishing Industry Blog 2009.

I’m waiting out here by the elevator to catch him when he arrives. It’s the perfect place to practice my “elevator pitch”– to rattle off my story in one extremely long, run-on sentence–in case I happen to find myself in an elevator with, on a barstool beside or standing one urinal over from him.

(pulls out stopwatch, clears throat)

Kristi: What’s that Mr. Bransford? What’s my book about? Why it’s a Heart-Wrenching-Tale-of-the-lives-and-loves-of-a-19th-century-family-of-brazen-maidens-who-encounter-alien-warlords-torn-between-the-honor-that-a-battle-well-fought-brings-to-their-alien-warlord-kind-and-the-love-of-the-brazen-maids-they’ve-fallen-madly-in-love-with-by-accident. Or-was-it-fate? (checks stopwatch) Only 17 seconds? Hmm, not enough adverbs.

(man enters hallway from main room, nods greeting)

Kristi: (distracted smile)    Nice party.

Nathan Bransford: (checking his text messages)   Yes. It is.

Kristi: (eyes on elevator) I’m Kristi.

(elevator doors open, Kristi searches chatting people as they pass from the elevator to main room)

Nathan Bransford: Nathan Bransford, nice to meet you.

Kristi: Nice to meet you, Jason. Are you a writer?

(2nd elevator doors open, more noisy people pass between Nathan and Kristi)

Nathan Bransford: I’m a literary agent, but yes, my own first book, JACOB WONDERBAR AND THE COSMIC SPACE KAPOW, will be published by Dial Books for Young Readers in 2011.

Kristi: (catches last part) Your first book – congratulations! What’s it about?

Nathan Bransford: Thanks, I’m pretty excited. It’s a middle grade science fiction novel about three kids who trade a corndog for a spaceship, blast off into space, accidentally break the universe, and have to find their way back home.

Kristi: Wow, great pitch. I’m dying to know how they break the universe…might come in handy someday.

Nathan Bransford: (starts to laugh, but sees Kristi’s not)

Kristi: Have you been writing long?

Nathan Bransford: Not that long, I can really sympathize with what writers go through.

Kristi: Since you’re just getting started, Jason, I’ll give you a little advice: Start a blog! You’ve got to promote yourself, build a following now ‘cause it can take years.

Nathan Bransford: (smiles) I already have one, but thanks. What about you?

Kristi: I’m still hunting for an agent. There’s a Super Star coming tonight, and I’m determined to meet him. I’ve got my Can-Do Jimmy Choo Shoes on.

Nathan Bransford: (eyes shoes, prays they don’t double as weapons) Who is it? Maybe I know him.

Kristi: Ha! I hardly think so! He’s BIG TIME. I have it on very good authority that he wears several large, gold medallions around his neck, enormous pinkie rings and a tight fitting shirt open to his naval.

Nathan Bransford: (confused) I don’t know any agents who dress like that, not literary anyway.

Kristi: (shrugs) He’s from California. Where are you from, by the way?

Nathan Bransford: California, raised in Colusa.

Kristi: I don’t know Colusa.

Nathan Bransford: It’s a small town, only 5,000 people, a one-screen movie theatre and two stoplights.

Kristi: Bet you read a lot growing up.

Nathan Bransford: (chuckles) Yes, grabbed armfuls of books when the local book fair came to town. And I learned a thing or two about rice farming.

Kristi: Rice farming?

Nathan Bransford: Actually that probably helped teach me to concentrate for long stretches, and to stay on top of things, which I really need in my line of work. Though that could have been innate. I know I impressed my parents with my endless ability to play video games as a kid.

Kristi: Where did you say you worked?

Nathan Bransford: Curtis Brown

Kristi: (ears perk up) Doing what?

Nathan Bransford: I started as an assistant in 2002 then––

Kristi: (ears flatten) An assistant… Curtis Brown is an excellent agency. How did you get a job there?

Nathan Bransford: Well, I graduated from Stanford with an English degree, saw a job posting online, thought it sounded like my dream job, and luckily I landed the position.

Kristi: What do you like about it?

Nathan Bransford: Working with authors is always fascinating, and enjoyable. On the best days I’m helping them achieve their dreams. It’s a great feeling.

Kristi: You are one sweet guy, I’d hire you as my assistant in a Colusa instant! Where did you work before Curtis Brown?

Nathan Bransford: (laughs, shakes head) You mean other than the video stores I worked in during high school? I interned for a law firm in college, which in many respects is similar to being an AGENT (points to self) —figuring out strategy, working with contracts, negotiation, etc.

Kristi: See there? You might become an AGENT (points to Nathan) some day!

Nathan Bransford: (pushes elevator button) Who knows! Working in publishing teaches me endless patience… That and all the non-fiction reading helps with my Trivial Pursuit game. But seriously, it’s a really fulfilling job that has impacted my life in so many ways, not only through the friendships I’ve made but also through the lessons I’ve learned.

Kristi: Here comes your elevator. It’s been a pleasure meeting you, Jason.

Nathan Bransford: I’ve enjoyed meeting you too, Kristi, in a creepy, uncomfortable sort of way. You’re the only one who hasn’t rattled off their pitch to me, including the street person in front of the ATM machine. Though his was actually interesting, something about alien warlords and 19th century brazen maidens…

(people pour out of elevator, Nathan steps in, waves goodbye)

Newly Arrived Writer: Oh My God–that’s Nathan Bransford!

Kristi: (spins 360 degrees) WHERE!

Newly Arrived Writer: In the elevator, weren’t you just talking to him? What did he say? Did he like your pitch?
(elevator doors shut completely)

Kristi: (falls to knees, a surprisingly long distance in 10” stiletto heels) NAAAAaaaaaaathaaaaaan!!!

Nathan Bransford: (calls through closed doors) Yes?

Kristi: Thank you for Playing!!!

Janet Goldstein recorded this video of Nathan at the San Miguel Writer’s conference.

Interview with Virginia DeBerry and Donna Grant

My next two Guest Stars humbly credit their loyal readers for these lengthy accolades:

(Kristi unfurls scroll, reads)

• NY Times Bestseller List
• No. 1 on the Essence Best Seller List
• Blackboard Book of the Year Award for fiction
• Merit Award for fiction from the Black Caucus of the American Library Association
• Go On Girl! Book Club Favorite New Author award
• Open Book Awards and many more. . .

Kristi:            Welcome, Ladies. Please tell our readers what you’ve done to achieve so many awards?

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: Why thank you, Kristi. We wreck characters’ lives and put them back together for entertainment and (hopefully) profit. In other words—

Kristi:            Wreck lives?! For Profit?

Virginia DeBerry: And entertainment–

Kristi: This is amazing! I’ve never interviewed Lady Hit-Men before.

Donna Grant:            What? No, no—

Kristi:            Sorry, where are my manners, do you prefer Hit-Ladies?

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: Neither— we wreck characters’ lives, not real people. And we hit them where it counts: their ambition, bank account, politics and family secrets.

Kristi: (in her best wise guy voice) Excellent, I know some “characters” whose lives I’d like to wreck. How much do you charge?

Virginia DeBerry:  How much are you willing to pay?

Donna Grant: (elbows Virginia) Hey—

Virginia DeBerry: Well it’s not like she’s asking us to really hurt anyone– no stalking, bullying, name calling or making them learn bad 70s dance moves…

Kristi: What’s wrong with 70s dance moves?

Virginia DeBerry: And we’d put them back together even better than before, having gained valuable life lessons. Just like in our novels—right?

Kristi:  Naw, let ‘em pay for their own therapy. Is there a discount for NOT putting them back together?

Virginia DeBerry: What?!

Donna Grant: Stop it – both of you!

Kristi: OK, no discount, but–

Donna Grant: (to Virginia) This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this interview. She gets everything all twisted up.

Virginia DeBerry:   Well…

Donna Grant: Kristi, look me in the eye and listen.

Virginia DeBerry: Uh-Oh. Her eyes look glazed over, and what’s that strange smile on her face?

Donna Grant: (shaking her head) She looks crazy, if you ask me.

Virginia DeBerry:  Kristi – Nod if you can you hear us.

Kristi: (envisions laughing wickedly as her old math professor is forced to perform Stayin’ Alive from Saturday Night Fever)

Donna Grant: Listen, we only wreck lives in our seven novels, like WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU…

Virginia DeBerry:  Which came out in paperback in January 2010.

Donna Grant: And our newest release, UPTOWN.

Virginia DeBerry: Which we just launched in March 2010. (whispers to Kristi) So if you need any ideas read those – you’ll do just fine without us.

Kristi:  (whispers back) Thanks!

Virginia DeBerry: ONLY if you promise to guide them into an even better life than they had before. OK?

Kristi: Absolutely!  So, Ladies, how long have you been writing together?

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant:  Our fledgling effort was published way back in the last decade of the 20^th Century, or to be more exact 1990.

Kristi: (glazed smile) Twenty years of wrecking lives–that’s what I call a Liaison Dangereuse. What do you like most about it?

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: Creating something—a story—out of nothing using imagination, life experience, and all that stuff we went to school for.

Kristi: Like how to make a volcano out of baking soda?

Virginia DeBerry: No, I meant the ability to create on multiple levels at once, and the ability to make stuff up that sounds plausible.

Kristi: Exactly! Like when Mom’s kitchen was a mess after the volcano exploded. I learned that saying aliens did it was not plausible. So I blamed it on my brother.

Donna Grant: Fortunately we have found a use for this talent which does not start wars or harm others.

Kristi: Interesting concept. Did you develop your ‘harm-free’ story telling talent on the job or did you come by it naturally?

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: We both feel we were born this way. We both read everything in our paths, from cereal boxes to Dostoyevsky since we can remember.

Kristi: (grumbles) Mom never gave me any cereal boxes written by Dostoyevsky…

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: And we both love a well told tale. We both love words–we have been known to entertain ourselves getting lost in the dictionary, and have used our favourite thesaurus until the cover fell off. We replaced it with a homemade one featuring a picture of a grizzly bear.

Kristi: Where did you work immediately before you began destroying thesauruses?

Virginia DeBerry: Anywhere that would have me—I was a temp.

Donna Grant: I was a plus size model with the 12+ division of Ford Modelling Agency.

Kristi: Did this lead directly into writing novels together?

Virginia DeBerry: No, I have no idea how I ended up here, except that I kept walking through open doors and jumping off cliffs–

Kristi: At least the doors were open, but you could’ve gotten hurt on those cliffs.

Virginia DeBerry: I meant most of my jobs did not lead directly to the next one. It’s probably some kind of cosmic joke that I’ll never get!

Donna Grant: (giggles to Virginia) Just like this interview.

Virginia DeBerry: I went from high school English teacher to temp to plus size model to model agency director and scout to magazine editor to temp to novelist.

Kristi: And Donna?

Donna Grant: My first job was as a claims adjuster at Bloomingdales, part time during college. After that I was in advertising sales at the NY Daily News. I finished college while I was there and my co-workers dared me to try the modelling thing, which was brand new at the time. That’s when I fell down the rabbit hole.

Kristi: Ah-Ha! So it must be your dangerous tendency to fall down holes and jump off cliffs that drew you together, thus forming your Liaison Dangereuse.

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: No.

Kristi: Darn. Then how did you meet?

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: Through fashion.

Kristi: That doesn’t sound very dangerous.

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: We worked together on a newsletter we created for Hanes Hosiery, which led to the opportunity to be founding editors of a plus size fashion and lifestyle magazine called Maxima. When the funding dried up, we decided we had to keep working together. That’s when we started writing novels.

Kristi: I see! You’re masters—sorry mistresses—

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: Excuse me?!

Kristi: In the finest sense of the word—of taking potential disaster and turning it into success!

Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant: (stunned Kristi finally said something that makes sense) By George, she’s got it!

Kristi:  Lastly, what life experience or valuable lessons have you gained from your glamorously tangled past?

Virginia DeBerry: I benefitted from all my jobs but teaching stands out because I learned to deal with all kinds of people. (smiles politely at Kristi) This prepared me for pretty much everything else I’ve done. And from modelling, I learned how to make myself look better than I actually do which comes in very handy.

Donna Grant: I feel that you learn something every day you’re breathing if you pay attention. (notes Kristi is staring into space again) From the Daily News I learned how to think on the fly and got a really good grasp of the meaning of a deadline. From modelling, I learned that I could become good at something I never dreamed I could do.

Kristi: Thank you very much for sharing your lives’ paths with us, and as always, Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant, Thank You For Playing!!

Interview with David Maybury

You’ve heard of the new Tea Party in the US? My next Guest Star has taken it to a whole new level.

This brave young man is staging a one man STRIKE in Dublin about a scalding topic. He’s on a TEA MAKING Strike– that’s right, folks, it doesn’t get any hotter than this!!

I’m standing with him in the streets of downtown Dublin, outside his Union House.

Let’s see what drove him to this drastic measure…

Kristi: Hello, David Maybury. What’s this about a Tea Making Strike?

David Maybury: I’ve had enough, that’s all.

Kristi: You heard it here first, folks – He’s HAD ENOUGH TEA!

David Maybury: (shakes fist) Yea!! I’ve been Chief Tea Maker long enough, for Business World, The Irish Writers Centre, Sunday Tribune, RTE, GCN Magazine, Inis Magazine, Verbal Arts Magazine, Musgraves, Poetry Ireland…and I’m not going to MAKE it anymore!!

Kristi: You realize you’re leaving all the poor tea drinkers to perish? What will we all do at tea time?

David Maybury: Someone else’s problem. I’ve decided to devote my life to the children of the world. I’ve written a children’s book, which comes out in May 2010 called “Haberdashed”, and I’m also the new co-editor for Inis Magazine, which is REALLY nice!

Kristi: I suppose I should congratulate you for your amazing success, but… For God’s sake Man, WHO’S going to make the TEA — it’s almost 4:00?

David Maybury: I’m also a judge for the Children’s Books Ireland Bistro Book of the Year, which is like the World Cup of Irish Children’s books—

Kristi: (shakes David by the shoulders) Stop judging the CHILDREN! You see what this mad tea-making strike has done to you?

David Maybury: Leggo of me, lady!

Kristi: I’m telling you, Ireland needs you – I need you – I love my tea!

David Maybury: I’m done with it, I tell ye – finished.

Kristi: From the looks of your outfit you must still have some feeling left for the ancient art?

David Maybury: You like it? I’m told the official Ylang-ylang-and-thyme-wrapped- in-teabags-head-dress brings out my dashing good looks, without upsetting the delicate balance of my boyish charm.

Kristi: (wonders which bloomin eejit told him that) Look, you’re not thinking straight. I can see you’re upset.

David Maybury: Well you’re no daisy toting peacenik yourself, there.

Kristi: OK, you’re right. I’ve allowed my love of tea to get in the way of serious reporting. Perhaps we can negotiate. When did this irrational tea-hatred begin?

David Maybury: I suppose it started ten years ago, when I was 16. I worked for Poetry Ireland during what we call our Transition Year, where students work in the business world.

Kristi: Poetry Ireland taught you the art of tea making? That’s so…poetic.

David Maybury: I was a general lackey at the time, aka Chief Tea Maker— but I wanted to write.

Kristi: (sighs) Such talent at such a young age…your tea must be sublime.

David Maybury: (shrugs) I won’t kid ye, I was something of a prodigy…and I’m still very active with Poetry Ireland. I do Media, Communications, Tech and I’m a Contributing Writer, but I WON’T MAKE TEA! (pounds fist into palm) There are labour-law issues at stake here.

Kristi: Why in the name of Earl Grey would you give it up?

David Maybury: Because I love books. I started reading at the age of three.

Kristi: Wow.

David Maybury: I love the people in the writing community – the authors, organizers, booksellers, librarians, teachers– everyone I’ve met involved in children’s books has been great fun. I like talking to kids. They’re brilliantly odd, odder than they were in my day.

Kristi:  (eyes wristwatch– 3:56 pm)  All good points but what makes you certain you’re better suited to writing than say… chatting with people while making tea?

David Maybury: You mean other than my dashing good looks, quick wit and fabled charm? The occasional good story, and a bucket load of persistence.

Kristi: (wistful) Also winning qualities in a great tea maker…

David Maybury: I read an awful lot of books. Reading is just about the only way to be a good writer – learn from the best!

Kristi: Touché, but have you had as much training as a writer as you have in, oh…I don’t know…TEA making?

David Maybury: I was a news reporter for the European Commissioner, which basically meant I had to synopsize the news for the commissioner and his office. Mr. McGreevy and his team would wake up in Brussels at whatever time they do – nab themselves a croissant and some Orange Juice and then read my version of the important news of the day. Like a handy ‘HitchHikers-Guide-to-Knowing-Everything-That-Is-Going-On-At-Home-To-Make-It-Sound-Like-You-Are-There’

Kristi: That helped you become a writer?

David Maybury: Not really – the lovely thing about writing is that it runs parallel to everything else in your life: Looking this good (and writing). Making tea (and writing). Working full-time, studying for a masters’, dating the love of your life (and writing).

Kristi: So the sad truth is, you’re just not the tea making type… Ink spills rather than tea stains are to be on the desk of an ingenious guy such as yourself.

David Maybury: I suppose so. Working with the Poetry Ireland Writers’ in the Schools Scheme has been a great encouragement – meeting other great authors who’ve pushed me along. They’re a pushy lot them writers.

Kristi: Tell us about your book.

David Maybury: “Haberdashed” is the working title, though it’s potentially due for another name change. It’s about an escaped lizard who may or may not be able to level entire cities in the blink of an eye. And of course it falls to the smartest people in town to catch it – two 12 year olds.

Kristi: Sounds fun!

David Maybury: I’ve got a blog about writing, and children’s books – with the occasional competition and giveaway to boot.

Kristi: And lastly, any life lessons you’d like to share?

David Maybury: I think the only way to get anywhere – no matter what it is – is through persistence. If you’re not good – you practice then try again.

Kristi: (pulls empty tea cup out of pocket) Try again, huh? How about making us a nice pot of tea?

David Maybury: No.

Kristi: How ‘bout now?

David Maybury: No…

Kristi: Now?

David Maybury: –NO!!

Kristi: As always, Thank you for playing, David! (shoves empty cup in David’s face)

David Maybury: I’m not playing– make your own tea!