Tags
Australia, BlogCom, comedy, comedy writer, humor, humorous interview, sci-fi thriller, techno thriller, time travel
In case you’re wondering why I’m wearing this black veil over my safari hat and swinging this machete, I’m not in mourning. There are a lot of flies in the bush. That’s right – I’m in Australia!
I’m ready for an adventure! After careful consideration I’ve picked an EXTREME SPORT… I’m going to TimeSplash. It’s like bungee jumping only with TIME TRAVEL. How Cool is that?! I’ve come out here to the middle of nowhere, to meet the man who invented it. Woo-hoo!!!
Look, there’s the first house I’ve seen in days, I’ll ask directions from this man heading up the path.
HDYGT: Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find Graham Storrs?
Graham Storrs: (startled) Why yes, that’s me.
HDYGT: Thank God I’ve found you! Do you have a minute? It looks like you’re going somewhere.
Graham Storrs: Sure, I’m just heading out to my mail box.
HDYGT: (eyes tent, weeks worth of food, and medical supplies) Oh. Well, I wanted to ask you about your book, TimeSplash—
Graham Storrs: Shhhh, my wife might hear you.
Graham’s Wife: (calls from inside house) Is someone here?
Graham Storrs: No, dear, just the kookaburras laughing again. (lowers voice) She doesn’t know I’ve written a book.
HDYGT: What does she think you do at the computer?
Graham Storrs: Browse DIY sites for power tools. She likes to keep me busy rebuilding our home and garden.
HDYGT: Right. (smiles, and winks conspiratorially) So what kind of background drove you to invent something as extreme as TimeSplash.
Graham Storrs: I trained as a psychologist, then did Research and Development in artificial intelligence and user interface design until I got too old to be cheap any more–
HDYGT: (scratches head with machete) That’s funny, ’cause my mother always said I wasn’t old enough to be so cheap.
Graham Storrs: (decides it’s best to just keep talking) –so they made me a manager. I was so incompetent as a manager, they let me do it for ten years, after which I moved out to the country.
HDYGT: How long have you been here?
Graham Storrs: 2 years. Haven’t seen a living soul in all that time – unless you count the guy from the local Telco who made the trip out here just so he could laugh in my face when I asked for a phone line.
HDYGT: You’re sure it was the telephone man and not a kookaburra?
Graham Storrs: (blanches) I’d better call the phone company again…
HDYGT: Which do you like most, extreme sports or writing?
Graham Storrs: Shhhhh! (listens for wife)
HDYGT: Sorry.
Graham Storrs: It’s very cool to have a book published, but now I have to market the thing. I always thought the publisher did that, but no. So, if you want to buy my book, go to my publisher’s website and, for a ridiculously small amount of money, they will send you a copy.
HDYGT: Was that your sales pitch?
Graham Storrs: Yea, what did you think?
HDYGT: (shrugs)
Graham Storrs: I guess a lifetime designing adaptive dialogue boxes doesn’t exactly qualify a guy for the entrepreneurial life of a (lowers voice) writer.
Graham’s Wife: (from inside house) Are you talking to your power tools again?
Graham Storrs: (shouts back) Yes, dear! (to HDYGT) Anyway, the marketing stuff is a bit meh—
HDYGT: (spins around) What was that sound– a wild kangaroo? I got into a fight with one earlier and I think he’s following me.
Graham Storrs: I didn’t hear anything. Anyway, the money, the cocktail parties, the fast cars and loose women – I’m looking forward to all that. I guess that will start soon, right?
HDYGT: I started all that when I was a child, but to each his own. Tell me more about this TimeSplash thing – I’m ready! Woo-Hoo! (Graham glares, HDYGT whispers) Bring it on!!
Graham Storrs: It’s a sci-fi thriller—or a techno-thriller, if you’re one of those people who thinks “sci-fi” is a four-letter word.
HDYGT: Oh, I’m looking for thrills, baby!
Graham Storrs: It takes place in the near future, with time travel, a beautiful female—
HDYGT: (giggles) Why, thank you. Now, do I need a special “splash” suit to do this?
Graham Storrs: (continuing) –beautiful female protagonist and lots of running about and shouting, and even a touching love story.
HDYGT: Hey -I’m here to TimeSplash. I’m not doing any love stories! I’m a married woman, and so are you.
Graham Storrs: A married woman??
HDYGT: (gasps) You’re a woman?!
Graham Storrs: (wonders if the long trek out here has gotten to HDYGT, or if she’s this way naturally) What are you talking about?
HDYGT: (wonders if living out here has gotten to Graham or if he’s this way naturally) TimeSplash-ing!!
Graham Storrs: You mean TimeSplash – Boy, was it fun to write! Did I mention you can actually buy it if you want one?
HDYGT: The suit? OK, how much?
Graham Storrs: (confused) Suits? Haven’t worn one since I quit work.
HDYGT: I’m not going to get whiplash or motion sickness am I? ‘Cause I’m very sensitive.
Graham Storrs: (considers) Only if you read in the car, I suppose.
HDYGT: (sets down machete, removes hat and veil) Before we do this thing, tell me how you came up with the idea?
Graham Storrs: I don’t actually know. I was pitching my previous novel, Time & Tyde, to an important publisher, when I suddenly found myself babbling, “Hey wouldn’t it be great if time travel had become, like, this way-cool extreme sport, and kids were jumping back in time and killing their grandmothers, but it was screwing with the present, people were getting killed, and these guys who had been part of the ‘scene’ had to try and stop these extreme sports guys from destroying the world, or something?” Even as I blurted it out, I could see she liked it more than the book I’d turned up with.
HDYGT: Hold on a minute – I could get killed? You have checked out the science, right?
Graham Storrs: Yes, my idea of a good read is New Scientist. I have NASA blogs in my feed reader. I believe science is the most wonderful and beautiful of all human achievements.
HDYGT: And no Grannies will be harmed in the making…
Graham Storrs: Guess you’ll have to read the book to find out.
HDYGT: You mean the instruction manual?
Graham Storrs: No, TimeSplash isn’t an instruction manual. It’s a novel, it’s not real.
HDYGT: (picks up machete) What?! I did not travel all this way for a work of fiction!
Graham Storrs: Keep your voice down!
Graham’s Wife: (opens front door) I KNEW it! I knew someone was here.
Graham Storrs: Oh, Great!
HDYGT: What?
Graham’s Wife: (from inside house) You wrote about it, didn’t you?
Graham Storrs: (winces) Er…maybe…as a work of fiction…
Graham’s Wife: (steps onto front porch in full Splashgear, helmet under arm) I thought we agreed–
HDYGT: Ah-Ha–I knew it was real! Now you have to let me go with you!
Graham Storrs: (eyes HDYGT‘s machete) All right. But only if you promise not to tell anyone.
HDYGT: Who, me? Never…and Graham — thank you for playing!
This post is part of the TimeSplash blog tour running from 16th February to the 5th May. You can find out more about the book by visiting the TimeSplash website. Check out the blog tour schedule page at “TimeSplash – The Blog Tour 2010″